What if…
Posted by Lisa on January 6, 2007
What if you weren’t abused?
How do you think your life would be different?
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Tina said
I’ve tried to imagine this , but there’s no way for me to know how a different life without abuse would’ve shaped who I could be .
I sometimes think , I would’ve accomplished great things if I weren’t so scared and sad for much of my life.
Then I also think about the strong feelings I have about social problems and the compassion I’ve developed for people going through difficult struggles – and those feelings come from what I have survived.
There are probably a lot of people, things and experiences that I would not have bothered to notice or understand if I had not lived through the abuses that I suffered .
Some people shut down parts of themselves permanently when they go through traumatic experiences , and they may go on for their whole lives with numbness , just aiming for the finish line .
I couldn’t hold it together like that. It broke me for a long time and nearly killed me , but building my life from the ground up has required me to know myself on levels that I never would’ve gone to if I had not been completely taken down . It raised my awareness in many ways.
I don’t know who I would be now , or how I would be if I hadn’t been abused , but I don’t tell myself it would’ve been better or easier. I like who I am in a lot of ways , and the things that I like most about myself and my life right now are things that have unfolded from dealing with the effects of the abuse.
Terri said
It’s not so difficult to imagine how my life would be now if I hadn’t been abused. I’d be loved and needed and cherished. None of those things are true now.
My life would be different in that I would have taken my intelligence and ability to higher levels and succeeded, not necessarily for monetary gain, but for personal gain. I wouldn’t be so afraid. I would know how to attract good relationships to my life. I would not be the kind of woman who attracts controlling, vindictive and abusive men. I would attract someone kind and decent and loving.
The abuse taught me that I don’t deserve to be treated with respect, that I don’t deserve love, that I’m alone because I’m a bad person who doesn’t deserve anything better. I struggle with that misinformation every day. Logically, I know it’s not true, but emotionally it’s a whole different story.
My life if I hadn’t been abused? Happier, more emotionally secure and more confident. I’d not only love someone but be loved in return.