Talking about it

A part of healing that helps many survivors is breaking the silence. Many survivors feel empowered when they share their story, whether it be with other survivors, a therapist, a close friend, and even other family memebers. Many feel the more they tell their story, the less hold the abuse has on them.

Have you told your story? Who have you told? What reactions have you gotten? How has it made you feel?

Special moments

Have you done anything nice for yourself lately? Soaked in a hot tub? Treated yourself to a new CD? Read a good book? Had your favorite dinner?

Exercising

Endorphins. They are wonderful mood altering drugs. Exercise has many obvious health benefits, but very few of us realize what exercise can do for our minds. It releases tension and stress, and can uplift you mentally.

What exercising do you do if any?

Negative Thoughts

We have the power to direct our minds to replace the feelings of being upset, depressed, and fearful with the feeling of inner peace.
–Gerald G. Jampolsky

Learning to identify negative thoughts is a powerful way to begin changing our negative behavior. We always think before we act, even if the thinking has become automatic.

As we become committed to being aware of negative thoughts, we can stop, take a deep breath, and repeat a positive affirmation. Practicing this process will actually change the way we feel about ourselves. By thinking about positive things, we can change how we feel about a situation and about ourselves, too. Now, life has more promise, more joy.

What are your thoughts of the above thought?
Do you agree that positive affirmations work?
Is it the only thing we need to do?

Parental Comparison

When someone says you are just like your mother/father, does it bother you, or is it something you appreciate?

Families

In our situation, there are 2 types of families: the supportive family, and the family in denial.

The supportive family believes us, cares for us, tries to understand and tries to help, even if it was a family member that abused us.

The unsupportive family is a tree of many different branches. Some members don’t, can’t believe it happened. Some members deny the abuse, even though they may have witnessed it, been apart of it, or even been abused themselves. Some perpetuate the abuse. Some call us liars. Some are still abusive to us. Some still try to control us.

Some of us have to break all ties with our family, and its often the hardest thing we have to do.

How are things in your family? How do you deal with it?

“Get over it”

We have all heard it:

“It happened when you were a child. Why is it still affecting you? Why don’t you just get over it, already?”

When someone says this to you, what do you do? How do you handle it? Do you try to explain to it them? Do you walk away, and hope they become enlightened some day? Do you let it in one ear, and right out the other? Or do you let it bother you?

Lying

One good lie requires another.

Growing up, we have to learn to lie in order to survive. We have to lie to our families, we lied to our friends, we lied to our neighbors. If we didn’t lie to protect the abuser and his/her actions, who knows what would have happened to us.

One good lie – the lie the abuser told us to manipulate us -
requires another – the lies we had to tell to survive; the lies the abuser told us to get away with abusing us; the lies that we told ourselves to convince us we were ok.

Lying becomes such an integral part of our lives. Each lie we tell becomes easier, and we become more comfortable doing it.

When we are finally able to speak our truth, and uncover the lies, there is so much relief, and so much weight lifted off our shoulders.

Are you still lying about the abuse? Are you still making up stories so that you don’t have to face the truth? Or are you free of the lies? Are you practicing honesty? Do you feel its easy to slip back into the old patterns of lying? How do you escape those patterns?

Lasting Relationships

There are important steps I need to take if I want new relationships to last.

I need to allow a new relationship to grow in a healthy way by giving it the time it needs. When I go too fast in a relationship, necessary stages are overlooked, and I might find myself in a relationship destined to fail. When trees are planted and their roots aren’t given enough time to grow deeply into the soil, they’re sure to fall during a storm. When the roots are given time to grow slowly, strongly, and deeply, they will most likely weather any storm.

Relationships can be similar, because when they’re taken too quickly, they’re likely to fail at the first sign of difficulty. But if given the time to grow, they will withstand the winds of turmoil and crisis. If I meet someone I want to be with, I can care for our relationship by not going too fast. I will remind myself that a tree needs tender care and nurturing to grow and flourish, not fertilizers and chemicals that force it to grow faster.

Today I will take care of my new relationship by understanding what it takes to make it strong and lasting.

You are reading from the book:
Time to Fly Free by Judith R. Smith

New Endeavors

Incase you haven’t heard, I am rejoining the real world today. I am going back to school to finish what I had started when I went basketcase. I am so excited! I haven’t been a part of the real world for a very long time. I know I am ready, and I want it more than anything.

But I am also stressing and full of anxiety. Doubt keeps creeping in and telling me I’m not ready for this. Fear keeps telling me I will fail. Esteem tells me I am not worthy. I wish they would all shut the hell up and leave me alone.

I will face doubt, fear and esteem head on, and prove them all wrong. I know this.

How do you handle new endeavors? What do you do to get over the anxiety?