Boundaries

Once I have learned to set my boundaries, others may try to ignore them or accuse me of being selfish.

I know my boundaries have been crossed when I begin to feel uncomfortable inside, and I need to pay attention to this feeling. If others are used to relating to me in a certain way, and I’m changing, it usually means they have to change too.

They may resist this change, but I’m not here to make other people happy; I’m here to make myself happy. If I don’t want to change my mind about a boundary I’ve set, I don’t have to. Other people will have to learn to live with the “new me.”

I recognize this new attitude as a sign that I’m getting stronger every day.

You are reading from the book:
Time to Break Free by Judith R. Smith

Breaking the Silence

Today I will remember that there are many people who are going through the same experience as I am, and I’m not alone. I can reach out to others when I’m ready; I will find others who will understand. I can attend a support group, call a hot line, or keep telling myself, I’m not alone. I’m not alone.

Just knowing this makes me feel better.

But if I break the silence and tell someone I trust, I feel even better.

Asking for help

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again… but also, she will never sit down on a cold one any more.
–Mark Twain

“Last night I asked for help, but the person couldn’t give it to me. Tonight I’m not going to ask because I’ll be refused.” Poor us! One person has rejected us, so now we’ve got the whole world rejecting us. We believe if one person lets us down, everyone else will too.

Such thinking, as negative as it is, can provide safety. If we believe we can’t trust anymore, then we won’t. But there won’t be any growth in this kind of safety. By condemning everyone, we won’t see those who want to help.

To find help we may have to ask several people. If a few people turn us away, we shouldn’t give up hope. There are many flowers in the field of life, but to pick the best, we need to look at them all.

If I get rejected it doesn’t mean I’m a bad person or no one can be trusted. It means I need to take another risk or maybe two.

Are you able to take that risk? Do you ask for help when you need help? Is it scary?

Game day!!

I am a huge Chicago Bears fan! For the first time in 21 years, they will be in the Superbowl.
If they don’t win I will be disappointed.

How will I handle this disappointment? In the past, I would have cried, and screamed, and ate. And I would have blamed myself. Yep. EVERYTHING was my fault. Things I had nothing to do with, had no control over. It was somehow my fault.

Now I am a much more rational thinker. I know it won’t be my fault if they loose. I will still be disappointed, but life goes on.

How do you handle disappointment?
And have you stopped blaming yourself? Do you know that it wasn’t your fault?

Caterpillars and Butterflies

To render ourselves insensible to pain we must forfeit also the possibilities of happiness.
–Sir John Lubbock

A caterpillar knows instinctively that it must spin a cocoon. When finished it will use the protection it has made to turn itself into a beautiful butterfly. When the time is right, the butterfly will break through the cocoon and stretch its wings to meet the world.

We sometimes protect ourselves by withdrawing into a cocoon of our own. We stop talking to others and find ourselves growing lonely and longing for our friends. Perhaps it was some pain that made us retreat, but the pain of loneliness is greater. When we have the courage to break out of our cocoon, knowing and accepting the fact that we will experience both pain and happiness, we will change. We will become, for that moment, something new and beautiful like the butterfly.

Dissappointment and Frustration

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.
– Seneca

When we reach a stressful time in our lives, our vision gets narrow. We fail to see the options and possibilities we have. If we give ourselves over to our worries and fears, our sight closes down even further. Finally, we reach the point of blindness to reality and to all the support around us. In our fearful blindness we say with conviction, “This is too difficult! There is nothing I can do.”

What do you do when you reach that point?

Support groups

When I first started counseling, I was in a group for PTSD. I found it very helpful, because I met other women with the same symptoms and issues as me, even if they weren’t all caused by the thing.
Shortly after, I found a group for survivors of incest, and I joined them. This also proved helpful in my own healing.
Now, I have a group of survivors who just get together and hang out, do fun things, a group of warriors who are fighting back and support each other.

Have you tried any groups? Are they available in your area?

Talking about it

A part of healing that helps many survivors is breaking the silence. Many survivors feel empowered when they share their story, whether it be with other survivors, a therapist, a close friend, and even other family memebers. Many feel the more they tell their story, the less hold the abuse has on them.

Have you told your story? Who have you told? What reactions have you gotten? How has it made you feel?

Special moments

Have you done anything nice for yourself lately? Soaked in a hot tub? Treated yourself to a new CD? Read a good book? Had your favorite dinner?

Exercising

Endorphins. They are wonderful mood altering drugs. Exercise has many obvious health benefits, but very few of us realize what exercise can do for our minds. It releases tension and stress, and can uplift you mentally.

What exercising do you do if any?